Tomorrow, I shoot my film.
I’ve been busy worrying about all that.
Which is why I haven’t updated here.
Not that I don’t love here.
Which I do.
Anyway, tonight I sent out a letter to my crew.
While I’m still lucid, before the insanity of tomorrow sets in.
I thought I might share that with you.
And for those of you who have helped with the film, regardless of whether you are on set–
This goes out to you too.
Thank you is what I have to say.
Tomorrow, I embark on making my thesis film, my final film at NYU: Loser.
It’s frightening, it’s daunting, it’s scary.
This film for me marks not only the sum of my work here at this school, but the end of my schooling itself as I know it and the emergence into some sort of world of adulthood.
I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say some part of me wasn’t scared shitless. It’s a scary thing to attempt to enter into adulthood, to make a film seriously, to try to complete school with the idea that the world might be cruel and lonely outside it. There’s a tendency people have towards clinging to what they know, what’s comfortable and what we are doing is creating something unknown and uncomfortable.
In a way, this very conundrum I think is what the film about: the entrance to adulthood and the pressure to succeed in so many ways.
And as some of you may know, this film is very personal to me and is taken from parts of myself, how I’ve felt and how I’ve felt I’ve felt.
But I am not Donnie. I am not a Loser.
The reason for that is because when I am scared about my film, about life, about what’s coming next and what might go wrong, I realize the number of people I have supporting me, believing me, excited for me and with me. I realize that unlike Donnie, I have found in my life to depend on and people who are invested in me.
Knowing that, knowing that you all are giving your time, energy and a little bit of your life to helping me, boggles my mind.
And when I get scared or nervous or angry, I just think of all of you who believe in me and support me and, well, I feel like motherfucking Superman.
So, I know I’ve been sentimental and all, but thank you. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for helping me to make my movie and face the world.
Thank you for making me not a Loser, but a winner, for once.
Now let’s make the shit out of this movie.
Your crazy-ass director,
To those of you who think this is too sentimental:
a. fuck you
b. I’m crazy right now.
See you on the outside.